Holiday Prick

I wrote this beat poem for the holidays. A little too late because Christmas is gone, for which I've been cursing myself for. Wanted to do something similar to Tim Minchin's Mitsubishi Colt and Storm, so you can see the effect. Its about this whole dilemma on what's the right way to wish a person on holidays. Without the music its really a poem(BTW Happy Holidays to you!):

It’s a cold windy noon

I'm strutting about, an unscheduled

Adventitous, unintentional walk

Through the market, minding my own business

Trying my best not to open my mouth or talk

Did I mention, its holiday season?

The shops are filled with glee and celebration

Maybe that’s why I'm outside in the streets

Instead of sitting at home, engaging in masturba…uh, ahem

 Umm, think I should buy some holiday decorations

As I walk down the market road with my purchases

I dodge unknown, unrecognisable faces and gazes

Till I see a person familiar

And as her eyes twinkle and her eyebrows she raises,

And recognizes me instantaneously and freezes

And starts walking towards me!

And just like that my socially awkward conscience comes into play

“Alright, relax and think about what your gonna say,

Think of something cool and smooth that doesn’t make you sound too gay,

 Not too douchey , arrogant or ‘playa out to play’ “

She’s right in front of me now, she’s not gonna sway

And I open my mouth, ‘don’t screw this up please!’ I pray

“A very Happy Holiday to you, how have you been?”

I blurt, “It’s been a long time, a long time indeed that I have seen

Your pretty eyes and long brown hair,

Haha just messing, there’s hardly anything to care…

…about. So what’s new? What’s cooking?

I should also add that dress of yours is fab-looking

I see, your following the newest fashion trend,

By the what brings you here?” ,She says, “Waiting for my boyfriend.”

Ok, this clearly was a waste of my time,

It was like a rap track without any rhyme,

But now I can’t be rude, can I ?

And so, I with lips shut like those of a mime,

And continuing without committing an ethical crime

I listen to her ‘now-a-little-less-interesting’ words

“Nothing really, bought a Christmas cake,

Too lazy these days to actually bake,

By the way,

You said ‘Happy Holiday’

But it’s actually Christmas Eve today,

I don’t get why is it that people use this term,

As if to say,

‘I care more about being politically correct and appearing grey’

Why not just name the damn holiday,

Instead of keeping a distance and skipping away

From the main reason of celebration, in this case:

‘Jesus Christ’s Birthday’?

I control my strong urge to facepalm,

Her words kill my happy greetings like napalm,

But I admit she does have a point,

And hasn’t just rolled a ‘read-that-on-Twitter’ joint

And so for a moment I do think,

And begin to speak hoping my ‘SS Impression’ doesn’t sink.

“Well, you do have a point there now I that I think about it,

But what about the people of other faiths that don’t fit

In this particular occasion or celebration

Wouldn’t wanna have their ears bit

And so I use this term,

Though I’m not a believer, I’m not a pesky worm

So I wanna treat all believers equally and fair

And don’t wanna appear like a total fucking square"

Well, she looks pissed now and she says,

“I don’t care about that sort of stuff,

I just think it’s a little too rough

Out there

And nobody really to cares,

What a person of some random faith has to think,

If people have one belief, they should also respect the other

But people don’t care a dime, they don’t bother

So screw this idea of being equal and fair,

And a word of advice to you: ‘Grow a pair’ “

Holding back another urge to facepalm,

I spit my temper and keep my calm,

Although she speaks ironic bullshit

Like screwing for virginity, or being sober by taking a hit

So I adjust my imaginary tie,

Look her in the eye,

Feeling not a least bit shy,

I say, “Well, if you think people really are always insensitive,

I suggest you quit your ‘Ideological laxative’

And concentrate on the facts of reality which,

Don’t really get affected by the fact that you’re a total bitch,

That you’re fundamentalist, one-track mind deserves to be in a ditch

That you have no idea what you say and what you think,

Your brain maybe the answer to the ‘missing link’

And that people do care, if they don’t, at least I do

And not appreciating diversity is totally stupid doo-doo

You yourself don’t really give a shit,

And expect others to, by saying that

‘So screw this idea of being equal and fair’?

Why the hell do you think I would wear,

A stupid Santa hat?

Cause I believe in a gift showering guy in red who is fat?

Is it because ‘Holiday season’ is really happy?

 Or because being an atheist is sometimes just boring and really crappy?

And since it’s a nice day and a even better occasion,

And I’m feeling really good,

I’ll step back and let you be the judge of that”
I say under my ‘politeness’ hood

And because I was rather fast for her, I was incomprehensible,

And because there are no conclusions, none of us really seem sensible,

Just then her boyfriend does come and says, “Happy holidays, dude”

And all she had to say was, “Awww, Isn't he cute?”
-_-